Thursday 19 May 2011

End-Times Survivalist Wisdom

We were warned that this would happen.

Jacob de Backer.
Last Judgement. 1580.

Now, the US Centres for Disease Control issued post zombie-apocalypse survival tips (See here, and with some luck, here).

So, the thing is serious.

To contribute to the collective well-being and safety, I will also issue my own advice:

  1. If you have been a good believer and you estimate you have good chances of "going up", don't fool yourself into over-confidence. You can do more. Tomorrow morning, first thing, wash yourself thoroughly and make sure you're wearing clean underwear. When the moment comes, and if you ascend scantily clad, you want to give the best possible first impression...
  2. If you haven't been much of a believer, let's face it, your chances of "going up" are poor. So, you don't need to worry that much about first impressions and personal cleanliness. However, excessive negligence will do you no good, either. So, make sure you wear appropriate diapers. You know, with all the noise, trumpets, and supernatural visions... Let's just say that shit happens.
  3. You want to take advantage of life to the full and decide to have a last sex with that complete stranger. Go for it! Just make sure you carry good quality condoms and do it quick. This way you don't have to worry about the Rapture or rupture.
Anyway, those are my pearls of end-times survivalist wisdom.

Have a nice End-Of-The-World, everyone!

And I'll see you Monday!

...Or, will I?


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