Monday, March 26, 2012

The Deliberate Auto Goal.

Soccer team formation [A]
A long time ago, in a place far, far away...

Believe it or not, when I was a kid I was the crappiest soccer player in town.

In fact, my only virtue was my size: taller and stronger than average, I shouldn't have been such a bad defender (for instance, the blue dots in the figure). Or, at least, that's what my teammates hoped.

You see, a big defender can be clumsy with the ball and not particularly fast running; he mainly needs to kick the opponent attackers' shins, and that's not terribly difficult to do.

When a penalty comes around, he is placed in front of the ball, as part of the barrier, to take a ball for the team. You see now why height is an advantage.

The problem arises if the other team brings in a big, strong forward and you are placed right in front of him, in the barrier. And that day, a powerful kick, deliberately or not, propelled the ball straight to my crotch.

If you ask me now, I couldn't say what happened exactly. In spite of crossing my hands to cover myself, I was hit right there; I think I bent over and somehow I must have kicked the ball... Next thing I knew, it was an auto goal.

While our opponents were understandably amused and delighted, my frustrated teammates asked me what had just happened. A very embarrassed and astounded 10-11 year-old version of me couldn't come up with a better excuse than: "I wanted the other team to win; the striker is my mate" or something to that effect (!!!).

Somehow I was reminded of that episode by these two notes:

ABC News Online: "Palmer Hints CIA Claims a Poll Distraction Ploy" (26-03-2012)

Fairfax Media/SMH Online: "Palmer does Not Regret CIA Claim" (26-03-2012)

Don't worry, Clive. I believe you. Campbell Newman wouldn't have gained in QLD without your auto goal. (See here)

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So that you don't think it's only me making this kind of auto goals, just look at this:


PS,
Needless to say, that was the end of my soccer career!

Image Credit:
[A] 4-4-2 modern soccer formation. Wikipedia.

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