Australia’s Capitalist Climate Change Diplomacy (2)

Locator map of Tuvalu. [A]

Previous to his political career as backstabber COALition federal leader, Scott Morrison’s professional experience was in tourism, marketing, public relations, advertising.

That experience shows in this week’s 50th Pacific Islands Forum in Tuvalu. In a moment you’ll understand.

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Meant as a PR masterly coup (above, Morrison impersonating daggy dad ScoMo) to counter the growing Chinese influence in the Pacific, the PIF tumbled, crumpled and finally flopped.

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Morrison refused to sign the original draft joint declaration (above, Morrison displaying his coal arsehole face), because it contained references to coal and to limiting global warming to less than 1.5°C and to aiming for net zero greenhouse gas emissions by 2050.

It took 12 hours of apparently heated discussion to reach a watered-down joint declaration, which left representatives of the Smaller Island States group of nations unhappy.

Reproaches flew back and forth, it seems. Frank Bainimarama, Fiji PM:

“The prime minister [Morrison] at one stage, because he was apparently backed into a corner by the leaders, came up with how much money Australia have been giving to the Pacific. He said: ‘I want that stated. I want that on the record.’ Very insulting.”

Bainimarama did not beat about the bushes when asked to compare China and Australia:

“After what we went through with Morrison, nothing can be worse than him.

“China never insults the Pacific. You say it as if there’s a competition between Australia and China. There’s no competition, except to say the Chinese don’t insult us. They don’t go down and tell the world that we’ve given this much money to the Pacific islands. They don’t do that. They’re good people, definitely better than Morrison, I can tell you that.”

Questions about Australia membership on the Forum were raised, as Vanuatu PM Enele Sopoaga, whom reportedly cried during the shouting match, apparently said to Morrison:

“You are concerned about saving your economies, your situation in Australia, I’m concerned about saving my people in Tuvalu and likewise other leaders of small island countries.”

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Morrison has a way with people, uh? But it would be unfair to lay that entirely at his hooves. He had more than a little help from his existing friends.

Enter acting PM Michael McCormack -- surprise! Upset by Sopoaga’s plea for survival, Big Mac (whom I suppose is not mentally retarded), allegedly said during a function last Friday:

“I also get a little bit annoyed when we have people in those sorts of countries pointing the finger at Australia and say we should be shutting down all our resources sector so that, you know, they will continue to survive.”

Imagine the audacity of those “people in those sorts of countries”: to put their survival before mining profits!

Besides, they will survive even if sea levels rise -- Einstein says -- because they can come to Australia to work as seasonal fruit-pickers.

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You can’t deny this story is reminiscent of Morrison’s “Where the bloody hell are ya?” publicity campaign.

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But, there’s more!

Last week Heather Cook (yes, with C), ASIO deputy director-general, told a parliamentary inquiry into press freedom that Australian journalists must be investigated because some of them are on the payroll of foreign spies.

Extending that to media personalities could explain unhinged ultra-right wing shock jock Polly the Parrot, aka Alan Jones, telling Morrison to “shove a sock down” NZ PM Jacinda Ardern’s throat:  that makes sense if one assumes Polly is on the payroll of some nefarious foreign power (aka Putin) intent on ruining inter-Tasman diplomatic relations.

I trust ASIO and AFP will start investigations on the double, to say nothing of Christian Porter, Attorney General, whom -- I imagine -- will come out, all guns blazing, against Polly, just like he did against John Setka. Just wait. Any moment now.

Image Credits:
[A] Locator map of Tuvalu (2013). Author: UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA). Source: Wikimedia. File licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license. My usage of the file in no way suggests the licensor endorses me or my use.